I'm sure that we have all had those days, days when it feels like your whole world is dark and gloomy and cloudy. I just have to say I think this whole week has been filled with dark and gloomy days. I love college so don't get me wrong, when I say that sometimes being back at college really sucks. Yes, I am back with my friends and yes going to classes is better than being back at work, but still college is like a whole new reality. You would think that after two years going back for my third year would be easy, a piece of cake right? Wrong, now part of this is my fault, I switched my major after my freshman year and as a result of that I am now trying to get back on track to graduate in four years. What does that mean, well that means that I am now taking nineteen units, or six classes, three in person and three online. If you have never taken an online class, don't, even though you think it will be easier it never is. Now all of this would be fine, at least it wouldn't be dark and gloomy, if my boyfriend was supportive, but guess what he is stressing out because he is now trying to graduate a semester early. He is working an internship three out of the five days, so that much I can understand, but he only has like three classes, and he never understands me when I say I have too much homework. I am not saying that I want his undivided attention, that would be stupid and unrealistic, but is it too much to ask for a little compassion. Some days I don't even feel like his girlfriend, I feel more like his charity case or some person he was assigned to be around. I mean Wednesday was a particularly bad day for me, I was feeling stressed out and worthless and sad, so being the optimist I am trying so hard to be I meet him for lunch, I wasn't hoping for much just maybe a hug or an "It's ok, I know you can do this." What do I get instead, "babe I really don't have time for this, ok it;s your fault anyway, you just aren't ready for college and you never should have come, it's time to stop acting like a child and grow up already." Anyone want to guess if that made me feel better? Some people would say break up with him already and don't think it hasn't crossed my mind it has, especially because he has this friend who came to school with us last year and is now rooming with my boyfriend, and I hear him talk to his girlfriend, or even just about her and I'm jealous. He cares so obviously for her and he wants to be the best boyfriend he can be. We got to talking one night and he said that if they ever broke up he would be devastated and heartbroken, I told him that if I broke up with my boyfriend he would more than likely be relieved. So then the obvious question becomes why don't I break up with him, and find someone who will treat me the way that I feel I deserve to be treated? Well my boyfriend does have his moments, they're rare but sometimes they pop up and he becomes that cute sweet caring ideal boyfriend, and that makes me think that there still may be a little hope left. The other problem is that this year I don't know my roommate and I don't like her a ton, so right now my closest friend up here is my boyfriends roommate, and if I do end it with my boyfriend I might lose the only other friend I feel I have. Then all I would be is a sad, lonely college girl and honestly I don't know what's worse.
Peace out for now
College Gal
